11.28.2009

post without a picture (might be better this way).

a first: i had thanksgiving dinner at a golden corral restaurant this year. in flahh-rida. i think you may need to be a card carrying member of the AARP to pull a stunt like that. but i bellied up to the buffet with the unwashed masses and patiently waited for my heat-lamped turkey and thick gravy that was quivering so much it looked nervous.

the beauty of a place like the corral? if you're the type of person who has trouble making decisions, no problem here. you don't have to commit to any one food... experiment to your heart's content and waste food like it's nobody's business. take the elderly woman in line in front of me, for example. she piled cold spaghetti noodles on her plate, paused for a minute (probably trying to shut out the voice of her conscience screaming, "don't do it!"), then nonchalantly poured bright yellow nacho cheese sauce all over her limp pasta. but mercy, why the heck not??

elderly woman's possible thought process:
i love pasta.
and i love nacho cheese sauce.
but how can i, a human over the age of five, justify pouring myself a tall glass of nacho cheese sauce and drinking it through a straw?
boom = the noodles.
why have i not tried this before?
i am a freaking genius.

and if her brilliant idea turned out to be a culinary train wreck, well shoot, her friendly table hostess would be happy to provide her with a shiny, clean plate and another opportunity to be entirely disgusting. what did she have to lose besides daily available calories to burn and a dream?

13 comments:

Lori said...

welcome back, my friend. i have missed your posts.

jill said...

sounds delicious.

Kathryn said...

My favorite phrases from this post:

unwashed masses
thick gravy that was quivering

Sick.

Scott & Lindsay said...

you're hilarious. i have many-a-memory at the golden coral from my prescription drug plan rep days. oi. the only thing i could ever bring myself to eat were the warm rolls placed on my table. i felt better that they weren't potentially touched by the masses before they entered my gullet.
i miss you.
hope your thanksgiving and florida were wonderful. i'd love to hear about it.
email me. or call me. or something. anything.

Scott & Lindsay said...

p.s. that sounds like a concoction scott would come up with. and prolly enjoy. cos he's gross too.

Jenny said...

Ha ha! love it

Sherwoods said...

Holy cow, I have missed your wit my friend. Love it. MISS you. If we move back to Jersey, can we be friends again? Pretty please?

Cameron said...

I really felt like white trash going to Golden Corral on Thanksgiving until I read this post. I can't wait to try the nacho cheese spaghetti next year.

Sally said...

HA! Happy Thanksgiving, y'all--I hope Florida was fun, golden corral aside :) What did you do there?

hilary said...

sick.

and i too, have missed thee.

dani said...

erinspice-you have not experienced the golden corral until you have experienced it in idaho. i can outdo your spagatti with nacho cheese sauce is an appetizer for folks here.

Starley Family said...

sorry but that is just plain ol' retch inducing. You are a stronger woman than I, Erin dear.

noelle said...

ay, caramba. i love elderly people. know what else i love? you.

dearest erin, it was so fun to see you and draw on nemo stickers with fox, but i'm sad it was so short and whirlwindy and also that i was the instigator in having made you watch a C- (i think i'm being kind) broadway show whilst crazy cat lady in her pajamas was yelling obscenities in the row behind. i'm harboring major guilt. please tell me that won't be the only show you watch while you are there. please. love you.

old me.